This is Leo Egan. He is a baseball player in a nerdy fictional baseball league I participate in. He is the best baseball player to ever have existed in the league, and would be the best player in baseball history if he actually existed. In 9 major league seasons he’s hit .375/.478/.765. He’s never posted an OPS under 1.100 in any season at any level. He has 478 home runs at the age of 28. He is not on my team. Goddamnit.